


Diaper Bags, Picnic Baskets, and Security Guards

by Red Charade (traciller)



Category: Smallville
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Frustration, Humor, M/M, Slice of Life, damn Clark's dimples, married Clex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 03:38:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11073285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traciller/pseuds/Red%20Charade
Summary: Clark's dimples don't seem to work on security guards.





	Diaper Bags, Picnic Baskets, and Security Guards

Clark really should’ve paid closer attention to his surroundings, but he’d made this trip with Connor on his hip and the picnic basket in his other hand a million times before. And it wasn’t as though he wasn’t known to everyone at Lexcorp as the boss’s husband. It wasn’t like Connor wasn’t well known as the boss’s son.

So, Clark just walked through most of the checkpoints as he normally would, security guards letting him through when necessary, riding in elevators and heading through large glass doors, polished to a perfect shine and reflection.

Until he came to the last checkpoint. There, he was stopped with a firm, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step back.”

Maybe it was Clark’s jeans and t-shirt, hardly the professional attire that most people wore when they entered this building, let alone got anywhere near Lex’s offices. Maybe it was the natural state of his hair, thick and wavy and wind-swept, clean and attractive and full but not combed to a perfection and not a hint of gel or hairspray.

Maybe it was the large diaper bag slung over the same shoulder as the hand holding the picnic basket, or the basket itself. None of them were transparent, after all, and could easily be used to hide weapons or whatever else.

For his part, Connor was taking the situation in stride, biting and sucking on a toy keyring with colorful, oversized plastic keys on it. His own outfit was just as casual as Clark’s, although he was sans shoes today because he had refused to keep them on and so Clark left them in the car.

Clark’s sneakers may not have been helping the matter, any, considering that they were neither new nor particularly clean. But they were his favorite pair and the most comfortable shoes he owned. He wasn’t going to dress up on his day off. He would always be a country boy at heart, even if he was a well-known Daily Planet reporter and married to millionaire Lex Luthor, and secretly also known as Superman.

“Come on, guys, what’s the problem?” Clark asked, when he realized that this wasn’t just a random ‘wait while we get the door for you’ moment, which usually Clark would refuse because he could get his own doors and the security here had other things to worry about. But, they were looking at him like he was a suspicious stranger and he wasn’t used to that look here. Surely, he was mistaken in his assessment of the situation.

“Sir, what’s in the bags?” One of the security guards, neither of which Clark recognized off-hand, asked rather than answering him properly or addressing him with any kind of familiarity that would suggest this was just a routine annoyance they were sorry they had to perform.

“What are you talking about? The diaper bag? Just stuff for my son.” Clark said, honestly baffled because isn’t a diaper bag pretty obviously self-explanatory? Was this a joke of some sort?

“And the basket?” Both of the security guards were blocking Clark’s access to the doors.

“Lunch. My husband’s expecting us.” Clark said, eyes a little wide with his genuine surprise.

“And who is your husband?” At least Clark didn’t detect any notes of derision at the mention of the committed gay relationship. He felt a little bit bad for judging the guys like that, for suspecting them of homophobia when he didn’t even know them.

“Is this a joke?” Clark asked, because despite this probably having nothing to do with homophobia what kind of question was that? He hated to be that guy, the one who wondered ‘don’t these guys know who I am?’ but Clark wasn’t exactly an unknown figure in the world and especially not here at Lex’s company headquarters. Most people here did know who he was just by looking at him, especially security. What was going on here?

“Sir, I need you to answer the question. And I need you to hand over the bags so that we can check them.” The guard said, stepping closer and indicating the empty part of the desk next to Clark.

“Come on, guys, this is silly. I’m Clark Kent? My husband is your boss.” Clark said, but he did set the basket down on the desk, followed by the diaper bag.

Connor gave a little whine and sniffled a bit. Clark wasn’t sure if he was scared or bored, but he was hoping for boredom. A bored toddler wasn’t ever fun, especially if boredom gave way to fussy behavior, but he’d take that over his son being frightened any day.

“Uh huh.” The guards didn’t seem to take his answer seriously.

“Really, look. I’ve got my pass and everything.” Clark assured, reaching for his lanyard only to find it not there. “Um…well, just…a second. I know I have it.” Clark continued, and patted his body where his pockets were, but they were all empty except for the pocket he carried his keys in and some of what felt like loose change in a different pocket.

“Well…I have one, it’s just…I guess I left it at home or in the car.” Clark said, sheepishly, a slight blush on his face because he knew how that sounded and how this looked. He was always forgetting his VIP visitor’s pass either at home or in the car or somewhere else, but that was only because it was pretty rare that he ever actually needed it.

“Sir, I need you to sit down over here while we inspect these.” The guard said as he went over to the items, one hand held out palm-up toward Clark as he did so. A clear indication that he wanted Clark to back off and go sit down rather than crowd close to him.

The other guard remained silent by the doors, blocking Clark’s way. Of course, if Clark really wanted to get by them, he could. But, he didn’t want to do that. It was rude and they were just doing their jobs, not to mention it could scare Connor.

While he sat down he gave Connor a kiss and told him not to worry, bounced him a little and tried to distract him with the lone toy, the plastic keyring, that wasn’t in the diaper bag being searched.

“Sir, what’re these?” Asked the security guard, holding up small containers and small jars, all unlabeled.

“Baby food…” Clark said, because what in the world else would it be?

“These aren’t in store jars and there aren’t any labels. What are they?” The guard asked, like he didn’t believe Clark. Maybe he didn’t?

“They’re homemade baby food.” Clark clarified. At this point, Connor was in transition with his food but they had the means and ability to make Connor his own baby food so they did.

“What’s in it, sir?” Asked the guard, tone a little more firm and gruff this time.

Connor pressed a little closer and Clark kissed his cheek, frowning at the fact that this guy was scaring his son. He’d had about enough of this.

“I don’t know what you want from me. It’s just baby food. Vegetables and cereal, stuff like that. If you want the exact chemical breakdown of squash you’ll have to ask Lex.” Clark said, a little testy at this point.

The guard said nothing and continued his search, setting aside the food containers as though they might be explosive.

Clark took out his cell phone and dialed Lex’s private number. He’d been content to let this play out before, but now it was getting overly ridiculous and Connor was getting upset.

“Clark? What’s taking so long? I thought you said you’d be here by now.” Lex’s voice, concerned but also slightly amused, came over the phone. It wasn’t the first time Clark was late, but usually it was just over something silly.

“Hey, sorry. I’m actually here, but I’m at the last checkpoint and the guards won’t let me through.” Clark answered, sighing into the phone.

Connor made some kind of curious sound at the phone when he heard Lex’s voice through it.

“What do you mean they won’t let you through?” Lex asked, clearly as surprised and baffled by that as Clark had been.

“I don’t know, I don’t think they’re mad that I don’t know the chemical breakdown for zucchini.” Clark said, rolling his eyes and turning to rub his nose against Connor’s softly, causing their son to giggle which in turn made Clark smile. “Here, say hi to Daddy.” Clark cooed at their little one who babbled at the phone when it was put closer to him.

“Aww, hi, sweetheart. You being good for Papa, buddy?” Lex asked, although he only got nonsense as a reply. Still, he treated it like a proper answer until Clark came back onto the phone himself. “What do you mean they want the chemical breakdown of zucchini?”

“I don’t know. They don’t really, but they got kind of annoyed about the baby food being in unlabeled containers?”

“Clark, just show them your pass.” Lex said, rolling his eyes at the whole situation.

“I, uh…kinda left it at home?”

Lex would’ve been slightly annoyed, since he’s always telling Clark to remember it just in case, but he could hear the sheepish smile through the phone and dammit if he couldn’t feel himself responding with a smile of his own.

Damn his husband’s dimples. They were powerful enough to affect him even when he couldn’t see them.

Clearly not powerful enough to work on security checkpoint guards, though.

“Alright, just a second.” Lex said and there was some rustling and the clacking of keys on a keyboard. “Okay, I see the problem. These two are both new.” Which definitely was a problem. Two newbies on the same shift wasn’t usual. He’d have to talk to someone about that scheduling mishap.

A few moments later, the phone at the desk rang and the guard picked it up. There was a brief conversation, which didn’t seem like it went too well for the guard listening – and from what Clark could hear from his end of the cell phone in his hand he could understand why – and then the guard hung up the phone.

Another few minutes past as the guard went over to talk to his partner and then finally both returned to the desk. The one who had been searching the contents of the diaper bag and picnic basket carefully put the items back where he’d found them, closed everything up and went back around to the other side of the desk and hit a button which opened the large glass double doors.

“You can go on through now, Mr. Kent. Sorry for the inconvenience.” The guard said, a little white in the face.

“It’s fine. Thanks.” Clark said, because he didn’t want to be rude. Especially after they’d already clearly been chastised. He got up and went over to the desk, slung the bag over his shoulder and picked up the picnic basket before headed through the doors which closed behind him.

Connor was definitely happy when they finally got to Lex’s office and he got to see his daddy in person and give him a big hug while Clark set the diaper bag down and began to get things ready for their lunch.

“So. Superman was waylaid by two newbie security guards, huh?” Lex asked, smirking as he sat down again, Connor in his lap, taking a little dinosaur plushie out of the diaper bag to play with Connor with.

“How was I supposed to know that today would be the day they’d stop me?” Clark asked, grinning as he set out the potato salad.

“I got you that pass for a reason, Clark.” Lex replied, watching Connor happily freak out over his dinosaur plush.

“Next time I’m just gonna fly up to the window and bypass the whole thing.” Clark said, getting some of Connor’s food ready too.

“You’re not going to fly up to the window, Clark.” Lex said, eyeing Clark suspiciously in case he was serious.

“I sure am. It’ll be a lot easier.”

“The windows on this floor don’t open.” Lex reminded.

“You could build a balcony with a door.” Clark suggested.

“I’m not building a balcony or a door.” Lex insisted with a mild tone, reaching to help set out the napkins with one hand once Connor took the plush for himself.

“Why not??”

“Because it might actually encourage you to fly up to this level with our son in your arms.” Lex answered, taking care of the silverware next.

“He’d be perfectly safe.” Clark said, pouring them something to drink and then getting Connor’s sippy cup ready.

“You might be the Man of Steel, but you’re clumsier than the oxen that you’re stronger than.” Lex answered, reaching over to steady a container of fried chicken before it fell on the floor, giving Clark a pointed look as he did so.

“You weren’t complaining about me being clumsy when I took you up last night.” Clark said, somehow managing to look both innocent and suggestive at the same time. It was probably the dimples and the eyebrows. 

Lex sighed. Damn his husband’s dimples.


End file.
